Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
