I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
