sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
