I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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