I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
