he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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