I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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