We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
