I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
