this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
