Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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