Your mouth is God's brothel.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
