Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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