he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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