She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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