You smell like a Billy Joel song
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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