I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
