My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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