She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
