I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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