I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
