It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
