I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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