I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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