if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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