last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
