i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
