"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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