His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
