Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
