She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
