He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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