I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
