that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
