stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
