Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
