Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
