And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
