we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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