I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This is classic penis vs brain.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
