drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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