whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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