That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
