It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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