Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
