Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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