Define "chronic" masturbator.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
