Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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