Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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