If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
