Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
